I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
