Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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