Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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