I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
