Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
