he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
