seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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