My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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