is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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