Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
