if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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