i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
