We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
