Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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