let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
