i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
