I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
