She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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