why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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