and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize