He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
