Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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