wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
