John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
