i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
