Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry about my life...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
