a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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