Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
