something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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