Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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