i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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