we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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