My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize