wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
