mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
