apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize