i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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