I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize