You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
