Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
