Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
