Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
