So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
