Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
