We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
