How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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