if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
