At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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