I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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