shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize