I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
