so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
