Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
