Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
