Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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