hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This baby is an asshole
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
