Cold hands, warm shart.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
