where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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