i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
