in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
