ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
should my penis look like a turkey
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
