according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
