I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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