Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
