and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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