I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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