9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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