K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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