He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
