this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
