she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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