I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
