Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
