well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
