Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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