I'm drive I can fine osifer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
