Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize