vagina is talking i cant
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
