well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize