I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
