Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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