you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We left an ass print on the piano.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
