6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
