you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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