i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
