paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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