like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my liver is dry heaving
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
