Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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