im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
