I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
