im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
