sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
