At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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