Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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