you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My dick has a subreddit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
