I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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