I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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