I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
